Thursday, April 09, 2009

A gap in posts isn't a gap in struggles

Every time I look at my other blog, I see this one and think, man, I need to post something. But what?

I'd like to say I've defeated my enemies, or at least stopped struggling with my angry thoughts about them. The truth is, my heart is just as ugly and struggling as it's always been.

Lately, though, I've had the perspective that while I still haven't figured it out yet, God loves me anyway. He's not going to love me more or less based on my love (or lack thereof) for my enemies. It doesn't mean I'm not going to stop trying to figure it out, but it takes off a lot of the pressure I've been putting on myself.

How about you? How are you dealing with your struggles with your enemies?


Blogger megan said...

Recently someone I loved was caught red handed trying to solicit a prostitute. It was his email, his IP address, and his typing style including the same infantile grammar errors. I had dated this person for 3 years and always had this sense that he was just using me, stringing me along, until he found someone better. We had many conversations on how lust is the number one destroyer of relationships and why I felt so strongly about both of us not putting ourselves into those situations of tempation. We both had a past that involved immoral sexual practices at least immoral in the Christian sense. Pre-marital, other partners, etc. so we knew the affects this could have on us. All I did was try to love this person and he made me believe he felt the same. Yet every holiday he was nowhere around. In three years I never met a single friend or family member, and he claims it was because of my attitude displayed on various occasions AFTER I caught him lying. I have tried to forgive him, pray for his happiness, and go on with my life but it seems impossible. If only he would at least take responsibility for his actions and see the hurt and pain he has caused me, I could find some comfort in that. I am really at the end of my rope and don't know why God allows this person to keep being blessed(financially, tons of friends, great career, true happiness), while he is out using and hurting people. Why am I the one hurting and miserable while he is out there just moving on to the next girl to do this all over again. I am trying to give this to God and let him take care of it, only I never see justice served which makes me want to handle it myself by telling everyone around him what a scumbag he really is. For goodness sake he has everything a man could want and he has to try to pick up a hooker only a few years older than his daughter? To top it all off the ad he hit was a sting operation being set up by a friend of mine who works with the police to stop sex traffickers. So I am heart broken and humiliated because everyone knows it was him, and on top of that I have to save him from being arrested. HELP!! I feel worthless, insecure, and broken because of the abuse her put me through for so long, and I really just don't know what else to do. Can someone please pray that God will give the the peace to at least forget what this person did and go on with my life, if I don't get to see justice served. He says avenge not, but he never comes to my rescue. The guy always gets away with what he does and goes on to live a wonderul life, while I am in pieces. Should I just sware off men period?

8:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


9:01 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home