Talk about a little conviction

One of my favorite Bible teachers is Joyce Meyer. Tonight, as I was listening to her teach on TV, she talked about random acts of kindness and how it could impact the world. And then she said, "if it happens to be one of your enemies, then all the better!"

I have to admit that I've been selfishly thinking about some of the situations in life, and in particular one of my enemies. I've been glad that this person has stepped out of my life. Glad I don't have to interact with this person. I've been worrying lately that I will be asked to help this person. The truth is, I don't want to help this person. I feel like this person takes and takes from everyone around him/her. So think, why me too?

But as I've listened to Joyce talk, I've been giving more serious thought and consideration to the idea that I'm being selfish in my fears in regards to being asked to help, and God forbid, spend time with this person. I've been worried about being asked by someone else, but given that I already know the need, shouldn't I just be taking care of it?

I can't find a single place in the Bible that says we don't have to help people we don't think deserve it. It doesn't say we shouldn't help people we don't like. It says we're supposed to go the extra mile for our enemies.

Choosing to follow Christ doesn't always mean choosing the convenient route. Which means I need to make a few calls and see about meeting these needs.

Thinking before plunging in

I often battle with the idea of thinking before speaking. My mouth is permanently stretched from all the times it's had my foot inserted. And lately, it's one of the things God's been working hard with me on.

There's a particular person in my life known for her rude and negative comments. In the past, when I've responded, the results haven't been pretty, and somehow, she ends up being the victim even though the only thing I'd done was defend myself against her. So I've stopped responding. The barbs get ignored, and I try to pray grace over her. To be honest, it's really hard. I don't understand why God allows this person to continue to get away with being so mean and unkind. Why does she get grace when I get stomped on?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Turn the other cheek and all that. Someday it'll make sense. But it sure doesn't do much to ease the hurt over things she says.

So today, in a seemingly unrelated incident on Facebook, someone posts a mean comment about one of my pictures. Now, I don't know this person. Based on her profile, I believe we're "friends" because we belong to some of the same groups and have other friends in common. But I don't know her. So here's this mean comment about me, and I'm thinking, "who are you, and why are you being so mean?"

My initial thought was that I was going to send her a note to say, "I don't know why you posted such an unkind thing. I don't know you, and I'd appreciate it if you have some problem with me to address it privately, rather than through public meanness."

I started thinking about it some more. Read everything on her profile to try to figure out who she was and why she would say such a thing. Maybe it was a joke. So I waited for the punchline. Nothing. I continued looking at her profile, trying to figure out what to do. She appeared to be a Christian. She seemed like a nice person. Why would she say something so mean? Maybe she didn't know it was mean. Maybe she had a problem with me that I didn't know about. I redrafted my response in my head. And I prayed some more.

I felt a lot like I do when the negative person in my life is unkind to me. And I really felt like God was asking me to give this new person grace. And again, it kinda made me mad. Why do other people get to get away with saying whatever's on their mind, but I have to keep it all inside?

So I said nothing. Did nothing. Deleted the rude comment and left it at that. A couple hours later, I logged back on and this person had updated, apologizing profusely to people in general because her account had been hacked. I thought about how she must feel, the victim of a hacker, to have an inbox full of emails from people. Even though I certainly wasn't mean in what I wanted to say, it probably would have added to the frustration she was feeling.

That got me thinking about the very real mean person in my life. I honestly don't know why she's so mean to me. I could hazard a few guesses, but they don't really matter. I do know she's hurting. I know her life isn't as perfect as the image she likes to put out there.

I didn't understand why God kept me from saying something to the crazy Facebook lady today until later... until after my thoughtless words could have made a difficult day even more difficult for her. Given the longstanding nature of how my conflict with this other person has been, I can't even imagine what is really happening behind the scenes. What I do understand is that I have to be patient with whatever process God has going on... even though it's really hard. Because I don't understand. And in the meantime, I'm being pelted with a lot of ugliness that I can't do anything about. Except trust. And pray

Meeting Needs

I recently got an email from an "enemy" who belongs to the same group I do. I don't like or get along with this person, and as much as I try to find ways to like this person, this person drives me up the wall. This person emailed the group expressing a need.

My immediate thought was, "of course so-and-so has a need. This person always has a need."

Then God tapped me on the shoulder and reminded me that I was capable of meeting the need.

As if.

I prayed. And I explained how I was tired of this person taking advantage of everyone else. How I was not going to be one more person enabling this person's bad choices. Now, let's be clear here. I am not talking about an addiction or anything life-threatening.

But I started thinking about all the things I had asked God for. How I wanted to bless others through my resources. Here I was, with the resources to bless someone, and I was choosing not to because I didn't like this person, and I didn't think this person deserved it. Selfish much?

So I emailed the person. I offered to meet the need. And yes, I had every intention of doing so. The person emailed back and let me know the need was already met. Phew! Except I have to admit to being slightly disappointed. Once I'd talked myself into meeting this person's need, I was looking forward to seeing why God was pushing me in this direction. What great thing did He have in store?

The amazing thing about choosing to love your enemies is not that you will end up being best friends with them. Frankly, I still don't like this person. But in choosing to make myself available to meet this person's needs, I made myself available to meet God. And it ended up being a rich encounter with Him I wouldn't have had otherwise.

A gap in posts isn't a gap in struggles

Every time I look at my other blog, I see this one and think, man, I need to post something. But what?

I'd like to say I've defeated my enemies, or at least stopped struggling with my angry thoughts about them. The truth is, my heart is just as ugly and struggling as it's always been.

Lately, though, I've had the perspective that while I still haven't figured it out yet, God loves me anyway. He's not going to love me more or less based on my love (or lack thereof) for my enemies. It doesn't mean I'm not going to stop trying to figure it out, but it takes off a lot of the pressure I've been putting on myself.

How about you? How are you dealing with your struggles with your enemies?

Believing the best

Michael Hyatt had an interesting post today about his commitments to Barack Obama. One of the things he talked about was assuming Obama's motives were good. It reminded me of a conversation I had with a good friend a couple of months ago. She said that she felt convicted over the fact that she's becoming more jaded. One of the things she felt like the Holy Spirit was telling her was that she needed to start believing the best of people again.

Believing the best of people...

I have to admit, I tend to believe the worst of people. Not so much that I listen to rumors and negativity, but I tend to assume that their motivations are bad.

As I think about my enemies, I wonder if part of the problem is my negative assumptions. Do I believe the best or worst of them? Am I setting them up for failure because I'm not even giving them a chance?

Are they my enemies because I want them to be my enemies?

I started to think more about this, and wondered where God might fit in to this. Does he believe the best or the worst of us? I have to think that because He knows everything about us, and loves us anyway, that He must believe the best of us. Despite all of our badness, He still sees something in us to love.

Lord, help me to believe the best. To see people as you see them. I have to think that if you can love the worst of sinners, it is because you believe the best in them. And maybe, if I can learn to believe the best in my enemies, I could find a way to love them, too.

It's okay to no longer be friends

The title just about says it all...

A few weeks ago, our pastor gave a talk on this very subject. That despite the words of Michael W. Smith's song, friends are not friends forever. And yes, I totally stole that from Dave. :)

This week's been a really hard week in terms of friend/enemy struggles. I'll also say that it's also been a great week in terms of having folks surround me with their love and friendship. But it's been really hard. I keep thinking of a couple particular conflicts, and how even some of my very best intentions keep blowing up in my face. I was trying so hard to be their friend, despite the fact that they're really enemies. I prayed for them, I was nice to them, and in the end, none of it has made any difference.

I've been reading a lot in Proverbs over the past couple of months, and the thing I kept thinking about yesterday was how many Proverbs spoke about the difference between wise men and fools. And then I started thinking about these two particular people, and how they exemplify the foolish man.

Earlier this week, a friend of mine used an example of how an old friend came to her with a list of complaints about her and how she labored over how much was true- what to use to improve and what to throw away. Still earlier, another person, when I asked for prayer over my anxiety with one of these friendships, blithely said, "well, maybe you two will end up talking it out and you can be friends again." My reply was that I wish it were that simple, but it's not.

However, all these conversations got me thinking: what would happen if we talked, I got to air my grievances, listen to hers, and try to work it out?

The Proverbs came back to haunt me. I've tried talking it out with both people. Both have responded with the manner of a fool. Which led me to thinking of other conflicts I've had with close friends. My closest friends are the ones who, in proverbial terms, have always acted with wisdom.

Conflict is inevitable in any relationship. But I'm realizing that it is dangerous to have fools for friends and think that those conflicts can be easily dealt with. So what do I do? How do I handle these two people that I desperately want to reach out to, want to bring healing to, and yet they only want to handle things as fools?

Another wise friend said in regard to one of these negative situations that I just simply needed to back away and not talk to this person. That my relationship with her was only giving Satan a foothold in my life. I have been thinking about this for a while now. I know she is right.

Which led to a reminder of Dave's talk earlier this summer. He used the example of Barnabas and Paul. In Acts 15:39, it says, "they had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company." Both Paul and Barnabas did great things for the Lord. They both loved Him and followed Him. But their disagreement meant they could no longer be together.

The hardest thing in deciding to let go of these two relationships has been knowing that they are my sisters in Christ. I've felt this obligation to go above and beyond to make it work for the Lord's sake. Not even Paul did that. I've laid myself out as a martyr, made myself miserable, and I don't need to.

So I'm letting go. The Lord can continue to work in their lives, can continue in mine, and we do not have to do it together. Those relationships are too destructive in my life, and to continue down the path with them means that I am not as effective in the Lord's work as I would be without.

Today, my prayer for my friends, and my enemies, is that they would be able to let go of destructive relationships that prevent them from working effectively with the Lord. That they can cut off the tools of Satan, and be at peace. Amen.

What does it mean to deserve?

I've been thinking about this in regards to my enemies lately. I admit, I'm angry with them and I want them to suffer. They should suffer as I have, right? They don't deserve for me to be nice to them.

It's very easy to justify our treatment of our enemies. After all, they aren't our enemies because they were so darn nice to us, right?

A friend of mine posted a very simple, but God-smacking blog the other day that got me thinking about it. And here's what I came up with.

What does it mean to deserve?

If we look at God's point of view, because of our sin, we deserve death. And yet, though we did nothing to deserve it, Jesus died to save us from that death.

The world says we're supposed to get what we deserve.

Jesus said we don't have to get what we deserve.

So when we treat our enemies as they deserve, are we being of the world? Or of Jesus?

And which do you want? To get what you deserve? Or not to get what you deserve?

Because suddenly, I'm not so sure I've been acting right towards my enemies.