Thursday, May 15, 2008

Guilt , Confession, and Envy

I feel guilty every time I post on my other blog. I see how long it's been since I updated this one, and I think, I need to post.

But then, I realize it means I'll have to face some of the ugliness in me and I'm not ready to do that. Unable. Unwilling.

I don't want to deal with my enemies right now because it's easier to keep them firmly on the enemy list than it is to delve into the complexity of emotion that goes with sorting through the issues. Every time I think I have a perfectly sound accusation to hurl at my enemies, a justification for calling them "enemy" I realize that I am just as guilty.

So I guess I should probably just plead guilty and get it over with.

Which means confessing to my crimes. Since that's a long list, I'll start with one.


One of my enemies is a very perky woman. So happy I wish I could rip the smile off her face. Her world can be falling apart and she still has sunshine and light bubbling out. I hate that about her. Perpetually happy people irritate me. And I think mostly, because I wish I could be that happy.

Ahhh... I feel much lighter now. Maybe I can get back to dealing with the whole enemy thing. :)